


Mr. Morgan's Erotic Emporium of Mythical Creatures

by mznaughty01



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Anal Play, Fae & Fairies, Hand Jobs, Humor, M/M, Macro/Micro, Prostate Massage, Rope Bondage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-23 20:49:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/626382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mznaughty01/pseuds/mznaughty01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen is a little fairy...literally.</p><p>This piece is pure self-indulgent crack written for the following prompt on <a href="http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/">SPN Kink Meme</a>:</p><p>Extreme size!kink. Jared is a regular guy and Jensen is a fairy about the size of his palm. Somehow, they make it work.</p><p>Weirdest/crackiest thing I've ever written...you've been warned...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mr. Morgan's Erotic Emporium of Mythical Creatures

Chad. Was. A. _Dead_. Man. Just as soon as Jared got his wrists free from the long length of ropes which connected his outstretched, spread arms to the posts at the head of the bed, and got his ankles untied from the other set of ropes which connected his upwards stretched, spread legs to the top portion of the posts at the foot of the bed, he was going to _murder_ his best friend.

And he was going to do it with a smile on his face.

At present, there were three scenarios Jared had come up with to accomplish Chad’s death. The first included smothering Chad with the pillow Chad had snatched from under Jared’s head resting midway down in the center of the bed so he could instead shove it under Jared’s hips to give Jared’s ass extra height or to provide it with more lift or for whatever reason, fucked up and unknown to Jared, that Chad had done it. Number two was using some of the rope currently binding Jared’s wrists and ankles to choke Chad. Or, three, Jared’s favorite by far, which was nothing more than a repeat of number two, minus the ropes, plus Jared’s hands.

Wasn’t really all that important _how_ Chad died, only that Chad was no longer an inhabitant of the land of the living before the end of the hour. Also, Jared had to be the one to kill him. If anybody else tried, no matter how much of an asshat Chad was who deserved to have the shit stomped out of him, Jared would _end_ that person or, considering where they currently were, Jared would _end_ that thing.

 _That’s_ what best friends were for, not this crappy situation Chad had gotten Jared into. Facts Jared would be reminding Chad of through gritted teeth bared in a smiling snarl and with his hands clenched tight around Chad’s neck... _just as soon as Jared got himself free_.

Which he would be doing. Oh, yes, which he would be doing.

“Relax, man,” Chad said from where he stood next to the bed, staring down at Jared, blue eyes red rimmed and hazy, no doubt from the weed he liked to smoke on the regular. His hands were shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans, shoulders hunched up next to his ears. The expression on his face reflected amused sheepishness.

“When I get free, I’m going to choke you to death,” Jared promised. Hell yes, Jared was still stuck on his homicidal thoughts concerning Chad. With no intentions of relaxing or moving on or anything the fuck else anytime soon.

He hoped the razor sharpness of his voice gave Chad a clue as to the absolute genuineness of his threat, though Jared lacked faith that it did. After all, how fearsome could Jared appear to be right now, nude as he was, and tied to the bed in a helpless, supine form of submission?

Let's not forget that his legs were raised in the air. And his fucking ass tilted up, like it was just hungry for something to be thrust in and out of it.

“Look, I know you’re mad, Jay-bird, and I understand, I get it, man, I really do but—”

“I’m going to wrap my hands around your scrawny little neck and—”

“—dude, it’s your own fault. You were just asking to have this happen to you, begging really. All work and no play—”

“—I’m going to squeeze until your eyes pop out of their sockets and—”

“—makes Jared a horny, repressed bastard so the Chadster—”

“ _Decided to kidnap me in the middle of the night_? And bring me _here_ of all places? What the fuckity fuck, Chad?” Because Jared sure the hell hadn’t appreciated being awoken by the two huge ass, hairy, ugly giants who’d gained access to his apartment and, more disturbing, his bedroom at fuck o’clock in the morning, thanks to his roommate aka his best friend aka the douchebag Jared would be going to jail for murdering.

While there, Jared planned to do some serious soul searching. He really wanted to know why in the hell he had ever become friends with Chad. And why he had thought it a good idea to share a living space with the asshole _after_ having shared a dorm with him their last year of college.

Chad was immature. A slob. And just a disgusting person all around. Jared had known all of that before he’d even set eyes on the apartment’s lease. Yet he’d _still_ signed his name on the dotted line next to Chad’s.

Just because he’d also known Chad was a good guy, Jared’s closest friend. When late nights of studying his final year of college had reduced Jared to a grumbling, growling menace, it had been Chad who’d drug him out to the bars to get wasted. When Jared had slipped into a weeklong depression after graduation because he’d lost out on the job he’d mentally claimed as his to, in his opinion, a lower performing former classmate, it had been Chad who’d drug him out to the bar to get shitfaced. Same thing had happened when Jared’s second employer of choice had called...and had called with a better offer than Jared ever expected to receive being so new to the workforce.

Jared was used to Chad and bars. He’d figured out pretty quick, after they’d sat next to each other at Freshman Orientation all those years ago, that Chad thought a case of alcohol poisoning was the answer to everything.

Except, apparently, when it came to getting Jared laid. Then, for whatever reason, Chad’s pea brain shifted from bar hopping, where Jared might’ve been able to pick up a one night stand if so inclined, to organizing Jared’s midnight abduction by Nightmarish Bastard One and Nightmarish Bastard Two who’d trussed Jared up like a pig and delivered him to Mr. Morgan’s Erotic Emporium of Mythical Creatures.

 _Whose_ brain worked like that?

“They’re running a special on their Ogre package right now. Tonight only. Half off.”

That’s right, _Chad’s_ brain worked like that. And what the hell? Weren’t ogres notorious for kidnapping (well, that explained the midnight abduction thing, didn’t it?) and _eating_ people? “Those were _Ogres_ you let into my bedroom? While I was asleep?”

“Yep.” The single word answer was delivered while Chad rocked back and forth on his feet.

“Chad? I’m going to say this one time and one time only. Those ogres had better not come anywhere near me again! If they do, and if they _eat_ me, man, I am so haunting your ass forever and ever!”

“What? Eat you? No, the ogres—”

“ _And ever_ , Chad! Do you fucking hear me?”

Chad’s expression now hovered closer to amusement. “I made some changes to the package, Jay-Bird. Since this is your first visit—”

“And last.”

“And since I didn’t want to freak you out too bad—”

“Too late.”

“You won’t be getting any time with the ogres. I’m taking that time for myself.”

“You’re going to let the—fuck it, don’t tell me, I don’t even want to know what you’re going to be doing with the ogres or what they’re going to be doing to you. What I do want to know is _what the fuck am I doing here and why the hell am I tied to the bed_?” A sharp jerk on the ropes wrapped tight around his wrists punctuated Jared’s question.

“The ropes are necessary because I bought your newbie ass time with Jensen. He’s kind of delicate, so they’re more for his safety than anything else.”

Jared didn’t even want to know what the hell a Jensen was. Not interested. Not even in the slightest. “Untie me.”

Backing away, Chad added, “I’ll be back in fifteen.”

“ _Fifteen_?” Not that Jared even wanted to be here, or would be taking advantage of this _delicate_ Jensen’s services, but the fact that Chad had pegged Jared as a fifteen minute man, on top of everything else that had happened, was just downright insulting. At the very least, Jared was a half an hour man. Hell, with the right girl or guy, he could even go for up to forty-five.

“Sorry, dude, but this shit is, like, _über_ freaking expensive.”

“Which is why you’ve should’ve saved your money, fuckface!”

But the statement was wasted because Chad was already gone.

And replaced by the glowing ball of light which had just fluttered into the room, the door slamming shut behind it.

Great. Jared was apparently about to get molested by a lightning bug. Named Jensen.

Rather than fly straight over to Jared on a direct path, Jensen flitted around in circles like a butterfly, each rotation bringing him closer to Jared’s bound form. After several seconds of this wandering approach, Jensen finally reached Jared, landing on his chest.

Wanting to get a better look, Jared popped his head up off the mattress. To see that Jensen was not a lightning bug at all, not by a long shot.

Jensen was a tiny man. A tiny, glowing man. A tiny, glowing, _naked_ man. Who had large, translucent, gossamer wings attached to his back, two sets of three.

A member of the fair folk, then. A fairy.

In total, Jensen appeared to stand about seven or eight inches high, no taller than the length of one of Jared’s hands, wrist to the tip of his longest finger. His dark blond hair was gathered up and secured at the crown of his head, the long ends flowing down his back to his waist, with wayward wisps here and there escaped to drape over his shoulders. He peered at Jared with the most gorgeous moss green eyes. They were alight with life and danced with curiosity.

And, Jared’s gaze dipped lower for just a brief moment, Jensen was perfectly formed, proportional.

Fuck, beautiful didn’t even begin to describe Jensen. This was the first fairy Jared had ever come across in his twenty-seven years, but for as far back as he could remember, he’d always heard about their legendary exquisiteness. If Jensen served as an example of the fair folk as a whole, then the tales had _not_ been exaggerated.

Still didn’t mean Jared wanted to be fondled by him.

“Hey, little dude,” Jared began in a soft voice so as not to scare off his guest hopefully to soon be turned savior. “Can you understand me? If you can, all I want you to do is untie me, okay?”

To which Jensen replied with a series of unintelligible chirps and twitters, all expressing his unhappiness if the narrowed jade eyes and hands planted on miniature hips were anything to go by. The majority of fairies possessed a basic understanding of the most common languages spoken by humans while only a few could actually speak anything other than Fae, a characterization which seemed to apply to Jensen. Freaking awesome. Without communication, this was going to be the most awkward, uncomfortable fifteen minutes known to both mankind and to the fairy folk.

Until Jensen reminded Jared there was more than one way to talk when he dropped to his knees and crawled up Jared’s chest. Right. Sex. The oldest language in the world and the whole reason Jared was even at the emporium to begin with.

Motherfucking Chad.

On reaching Jared’s right nipple, Jensen’s hands encircled the bud which hardened in response to the light touch. Jensen’s fingers were so small they couldn’t reach all the way around, but they still did well enough in holding Jared's nipple in place as Jensen’s miniature tongue flicked out to lick all over.

Interested, Jared’s cock fattened.

And a groan of discontent escaped him as Jensen let go. But it transformed into one of pleasure when Jensen rolled across Jared’s chest, his little legs getting caught up in the sparse hair there before he managed to kick himself free, and latched onto Jared’s left nipple to pay it the same attention the right had received.

This was so wrong. Jared had never before had the slightest inclination to ever visit the emporium as this type of shit was more Chad’s deal. No part of Jared had _ever_ wondered what it would feel like to have a cockatrice bring him to orgasm using just the tip of the gigantor tail it had shoved up his ass. Or to have his nuts crushed within the stone grip of a gargoyle’s fist as some form of screwed up foreplay.

Or to bump uglies, or to do whatever the hell it was that Chad was doing, with cannibalistic Ogres.

Yes, getting turned on by a fairy was very wrong when the fairy in question wasn’t a cute twink, but an _actual fairy_.

But shit if that was going to make Jared stop Jensen from edging his way down Jared’s chest and over his stomach. It certainly wasn’t going to make him stop Jensen from standing in Jared’s pubic hairs and reaching out to grab hold off Jared’s twitching dick. Not like the little guy would heed Jared’s protests anyways, right?

Fascinated, horny, Jared watched as Jensen used his grip to swing himself up until he straddled the underside of Jared’s dick which faced the ceiling due to how Jared lay on the bed. Jensen planted his little feet in Jared’s balls and wrapped his thin arms around Jared’s thick shaft in a tight hug. Humming, Jensen pushed with his toes, forcing Jared’s foreskin to cover the tip of his precome wet glans, then he used his silvery wings to flutter back to his starting position.

Huh, weirdest hand—body?—job Jared had ever received. Yet still fucking hot as all hell. Because, despite his miniscule size, Jensen was the sexiest man—fairy—Jared had ever set eyes on.

Several minutes were spent with Jensen sliding up and down Jared’s cock. About ready to burst, Jared’s balls drew up close to the base of his dick, leaving Jensen with little room to continue standing, except in the folds of the wrinkled flesh.

So Jensen slipped off his perch completely.

And, as Jared felt his tiny feet probing at the hole to his ass, he was suddenly thankful to the Ogres for binding him up the way they had, legs high in the air, as well as to Chad for slipping the pillow underneath him, which lifted his hips up just that tiniest bit more. Jensen was almost completely hidden from view behind Jared’s dick and the position Jared was trussed in allowed him an unobstructed view of the miniature hands fisted in his pubic hairs as Jensen worked his tiny little limbs a couple inches inside of Jared.

The view was enough to push Jared right to the very edge of coming his brains out.

“Oh, God, oh, _fuck_...shit, little guy, I’m about to shoot,” Jared warned.

In response, Jensen tweeted, a happy sound now, then he used his toes to massage Jared’s prostate.

A powerful stream of come squirted out of Jared’s cock, landing right in his open, panting mouth. He swallowed the salty fluid, his body producing another to take its place, which hit him in his neck as his head fell down to the mattress.

Somewhere between spurts three and four of the most intense orgasm Jared had ever experienced, he whited out. When he came back to his senses, it was to a Jensen splayed out on his chest, belly down and face turned to the side, fully immersed in the mess of creamy liquid he lapped up with lazy strokes of his tongue.

Jared had no idea if Jensen had come himself, didn’t even know if fairies _could_ come, though he suspected they had to be able to in order to reproduce like had been doing for thousands upon thousands of years. Whether Jensen had found sexual fulfillment or not, it was more than obvious that he was satisfied.

The door to the room burst open and Chad tumbled in, suspicious raw marks marring each side of his throat, like he had been chewed on. Wasn't that thought just all kinds of disturbing?

“Damn, Jay-Bird, you had a real back log going there, didn’t you?” Chad asked, a huge smirk covering his face.

And there was a serious ass kicking coming to Chad Michael Murray in the very near future. Timeframe for that ass kicking was the same as that of the murder in the now defunct homicide plot (just as a public service, Jared _couldn’t_ kill Chad for fear Mr. Morgan would reanimate his best friend’s corpse and put him to work at the emporium; no one was ready for that horror to be unleashed— _alive_ Chad was bad enough to deal with as it was). “Whatever, man, just go and get Mr. Morgan for me.”

Dirty blond eyebrows drew together in a frown. “What? You weren’t satisfied?”

Head jerked up, Jensen met Jared’s gaze as he chirruped in unhappiness. His face reflected his abject sadness.

“Christ, Chad, shut the fuck up. I’m more than satisfied.”

“Then why—”

“I’m going to buy Jensen.”

“Okay, dude, it's your chapter seven or thirteen—” Chad's forehead screwed up in confusion as he untied Jared’s hands “—or...whatever bankruptcy number. You get my point.”

High pitched twitters filled the room, chasing Chad out. Jensen’s expression was now one of happiness and his gossamer wings fluttered in excitement as he sat crossed legged in the space between Jared’s pectoral muscles.

“Yeah, little dude, I’m going to buy you,” Jared confirmed, stroking a finger down Jensen’s sticky body, causing the fairy to fall out in giggles and grins.

There was about five grand in the bank Jared had been saving up to use on a rainy day. Plus, he also had a nineteen thirty-three Goudey Babe Ruth Card in pristine condition that had been appraised at fifteen thousand six years ago.

Jared was single and unattached. And, since he was just truly getting established in his career, he had no real desire or time to date anyone. Which meant, neither Jared, nor his raging libido, could think of a better way to spend his money than on purchasing Jensen.


End file.
